I May Hate Myself In The Morning
by Satan-wears-prada
Summary: "He hits a button and begins to scroll through his contacts. It's not like he needs to find her number; he knows it off by heart." Song-fic that wouldn't leave me alone.


A/N: So, I got this idea while on my way to college one morning. I sat at the bus stop, waiting for my bus, writing this down on a bit of paper from my diary. I must have looked stupid. Anyway, it was cute and wouldn't leave me alone so I have to write it. I think it fits perfectly to the song as well. :) I hope Shonda lets something like this happen. Then I shall be very, very, very happy. Thanks to banana7pancakes for beta-ing

Enjoy

* * *

Pete swirls the liquid around in his glass as he sits in the silence of his house. Lucas has been asleep for over an hour now. Violet had left shortly after their son had drifted off to a peaceful slumber. They were trying. They were trying to be a family, but, it was hard. Trusting that Violet wouldn't just take off again and leave Lucas hurt in the process was a fear that was in the back of Pete's mind constantly and no matter what the brunette did, he couldn't get rid of that fear. Every time he called and she didn't pick up, the fear would grow. He couldn't have his son hurt like he had been hurt. It was the one thing Pete had vowed the first time he ever held Lucas.

_Ain't it just like one of us to pick up the phone and call after a couple of drinks,_

A soft sigh escapes Pete's lips and he lets the cool liquid slide from his glass, over his tongue and down his throat. He swallows and finds that he feels a little more relaxed. He hasn't felt fully relaxed in quite a while, since that night. His head turns towards the baby monitor as he hears his fifteen month old son gurgle in his sleep. His lips curve up into a soft smile as he thinks about the most precious thing in the world to him. Pete finds it hard to believe that he had been so blessed with such a wonderful little boy.

_And say: "How you been? I been wonderin' if maybe you've been thinkin' 'bout me."_

Suddenly, Pete reaches forward and picks up his phone from the glass coffee table that sits in front of him. He hits a button and begins to scroll through his contacts. It's not like he needs to find her number; he knows it off by heart. Pete lets his gaze linger on her name and number until his screen goes dark. He hits the button again so it lights up. Her name once again appears before his eyes and he smiles as he pushes the button to call her.

"Hey," he speaks softly as he hears her groggy voice answer and he's sure he's woken her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I was just thinking about you."_  
_

_And somewhere in the conversation, an old familiar invitation always arrives,_

He can't help but grin as he stands up and begins to clear things away. Empty glasses and plates get put in the dishwasher, clothes get taken to the washing machine, toys get put away in the right boxes, he even fluffs the cushions.

Pete sometimes wondered how he ended up here. He wondered where it all changed, where he changed. He can't pinpoint it. No matter how hard he tries, he just can't. All he knows is that he wants to go 's sometimes not sure that everything turned out for the better. Sometimes he thinks things are now worse. Sometimes life feels like it used to be so much simpler, so much happier.

_An' I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight._

Pete catches sight of a photo of Violet and Lucas on the side and he walks over to pick it up. He lets his finger run over the image of his grinning son before his eyes travels to Violet. It's not right. He knows it's not fair to her, but he just can't help it. He needs to. _They_ need to. He feels like everything will finally fall into place and settle there, forever. He knows it's a long shot and that it will be hard, but he's determined to take that chance.

Everyone's known someone that they just can't help but want;  
And even though we just can't make it work out, well the want-to lingers on.

A soft knock on the door pulls Pete back into reality and he instantly rushes to the door. He pulls it open to let her walk in, then shuts it behind her. He watches as her eyes travel over the living room before she turns to him and smiles.

"You tidied." There's playfulness in her voice and he can't help but chuckle.

"For you. Do you want a drink?" He gestures to the kitchen but she just shakes her head so that her loose hair bounces. It's much more natural now, at night, than how she had been wearing it during the day. It had looked wonderful during the day (she always looks wonderful during the day) but Pete loves her natural look. He loves to see her without make-up, to see her first thing in the morning, her hair messy. It's what makes her, her. He can't help but walk over to her and run his fingers through her locks. She turns her head and smiles up at him before she tilts her head to the side. Her eyes sparkle in the dim light of the room. A soft giggle escapes her lips as Pete grins like a small child and gently twists her hair around his fingers._  
_

_So once again we wind up in each other's arms, pretending that it's right,_

_An' I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight._

Pete knows that they shouldn't. She knows that they shouldn't. But they still do. They need each other. Pete lies on his back with red hair sprawled across his sweaty chest as he draws circles over her equally sweaty hip. They lay in a comfortable silence as they relish the feeling of being in each other's arms. It's been too long since they have been able to hold each other.

"Addi," Pete whispers and turns his head so he can look down at her, but she doesn't move her head.

"Not now, Pete, just…not for tonight. Please?" Addison slowly turns her head so that her green orbs meet his blue ones. Pete looks down at her and nods slowly. He can't say no to her. He's never really been able to. Her wish has always somehow been his command.

He presses a gentle, loving kiss to her forehead before they go back to just laying in each other's arms. It's the comfort that they both need. The familiar they've been wanting. It's what keeps them going.

I know it's wrong, but it ain't easy moving on.  
So why can't two friends remember the good times once again?

That night Pete dreams. He dreams of a family. A father, a mother and a little boy. They run along the beach together, happy. Each one of them wears a smile and they laugh together as they hold hands and don't care if they get covered in sand. All that matters is that they're happy. 

Tomorrow when I wake up, I'll be feeling a little guilty, a little sad,  
Thinkin' how it used to be before everything went bad.

Pete slowly wakes up the next morning and lets out a grumble as he stretches his body out. He turns his head and opens his eyes but finds the other side of his bed empty. Instead of being filled with relief like most people are, he's filled with regret. Regret that he hadn't taken his chance last night. He had the chance but he just let it slip away. Maybe things were meant to be how they were. Maybe they weren't meant to be together. Maybe he was meant to get rid of his fear and trust Violet. Maybe, just maybe._  
_

_An' I guess that's what it is, in lonely late night calls like this, that we try to find;_

Pete pulls on a pair of sweats before he pads his way along the hallway to his son's room, only to find it empty. He frowns and instantly turns back out of the room. As he reaches the top of the stairs, his ears are filled with the happy gurgles of Lucas. The little boy squeals and claps and Pete can't help but chuckle softly as he quietly makes his way down. As his feet hit the bottom step, he's greeted with the sight of Addison sat on his living room floor in one of his t-shirts playing with Lucas, who is grinning widely. The two of them look so happy together. They look right. It feels right to be watching the two of them. This is happiness. This is the life he's been craving.

_An' I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight. _

Pete knows it's not right. He knows that Violet and Sam will get hurt. Either way, someone gets hurts. People make mistakes, though, and that's exactly what Pete did the day he let Addison go. Waking up to find Addison playing with Lucas was the sight he wanted to see every morning. He wanted to see red, not brunette. He couldn't help it. It was what his heart wanted. He'd always love Violet, and he'd always love Addison. He knows that there's a struggle between who he loves and he's in love with. He'd always believed he was in love with Violet. Once he lost Addison, he found that it hurt much more than it hurt when he lost Violet. He just hoped that Addison felt the same.

I may hate myself in the morning, but I'm gonna love you tonight.

"Hey." He smiles softly and watches as they both turn to grin at him. Lucas instantly toddles towards his father so Pete can scoop him up and plant kisses all over his face. The toddler squeals with delight and wriggles. Addison smiles softly and stands up as he walks towards her. "Morning," Pete whispers softly. He presses his lips to hers and they both feel their bodies relax.

Maybe, just maybe, life will be alright.


End file.
